But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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