this beer tastes like vomit already
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
