I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
