fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
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Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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