I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
