Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
