her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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