How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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