I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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