There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
