Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
