My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
