'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
