Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
