How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
