Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
