Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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