I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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