I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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