Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
