So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
