I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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