I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
