She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
