If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
