An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Your cock deserves a montage
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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