hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
