We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
barbara walters just said penis...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
