Already got asked if we're dating
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
