Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
