Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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