He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
