porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
