i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
