Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
