Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
