Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
