...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
