i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My ass is underappreciated
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
