First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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