I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
