Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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