You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
