Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
