OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
