I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
