do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
