it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
