Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
