Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
