i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
