Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
