if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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