Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
