Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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