he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
