I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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