Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
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I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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