Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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