it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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