even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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