K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
