I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
