i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
