I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
